


I'm Dying To Breathe In These Abundant Skies

by Rynegade (cherrymartini)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-18
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-26 22:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/971207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrymartini/pseuds/Rynegade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary/Prompt: Written for the 2010 kinkme_merlin prompt - Arthur/Merlin, You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Did Merlin know just how affected Arthur was when he was around? Arthur had never been a great liar, had never needed to be, who was brave enough to argue with the crown prince? Merlin a little voice in the back of his mind hissed at him, the first person to fight with you, to laugh with you, to be a friend and you had to twist it into this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Dying To Breathe In These Abundant Skies

**Author's Note:**

> Idek you guys, somewhere along the lines this turned angsty and a whole lot sappier than anything I've ever written, and pg too which is new for me. There's also a very good chance this ended up quite OOC so please be kind and keep in mind it's the middle of the night.  
> Title from Switchfoot - Learning To Breathe

"Arthur" Merlin snapped with the exasperation of someone who'd been repeating the same word for ten minutes, Arthur dragged his gaze from the floor to rest on a spot three inches to the left of Merlin's ear.

 

"Merlin?" Arthur drawled sounding carefully bored and not at all like his heart was beating just a touch faster.

 

"You need to dress for the feast or your father will somehow find a way to blame me for you being late and I'll end up in the stocks and it won't even be my fault and"

 

"Merlin" Arthur cut him off and stood walking slowly to where his clothes had been laid neatly on the end of his bed. "Well get on with it then". Merlin huffed and set about removing Arthur's belt with competent if somewhat rushed fingers. Arthur again focused on the wall, counting the cracks in the stone and desperately trying to focus on anything but Merlins hands gliding his shirt off over his head, trying desperately not to imagine how they'd feel skimming across the skin being bared. His breath caught in his throat as a startlingly clear image of just that flooded his mind, Merlin's smile as he ran those slender fingers across Arthur’s skin, his long eyelashes framing laughing blue eyes. Maybe he'd drag his nails slightly, leaving long red marks, proof that he'd been there, maybe he'd breathe Arthurs name into his neck his mouth curving softly as he spoke

 

"Arthur"

 

Wait, that wasn't how he'd say it, he wouldn't sound more annoyed than amused, he wouldn’t sound like

 

"Arthur"

 

Arthur's head snapped up to look directly into Merlin's face and he froze, Merlin was so close and suddenly Arthur couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't hear anything but his blood roaring in his ears and his pulse raced. He watched the shapes curving Merlin’s lips, transfixed and uncomprehending as Merlin repeated whatever it was Arthur hadn't caught.

 

"Arthur, ignoring me won't make it go away, Gaius said..." Merlin was still talking but Arthur had lost the thread of what he was saying. Ignoring him? Merlin thought he was ignoring him? Oh god if it was only that simple, if only he could. Arthur sat on the end of his bed as Merlin fetched his boots, moving on autopilot. It had been weeks since Arthur had felt like he could breath while Merlin was within 3 feet of him, or within eyesight, or in the room and he must be a masochist because he keeps finding reasons for Merlin to be in all of these places at any time it wouldn't be suspicious and, if he's honest with himself (something he's been trying to avoid more often than not lately), quite often when it would be. Arthur pulled himself from his thoughts in time to catch the end of Merlin's sentence

 

"...looking a bit flushed" the corners of his eyes were crinkling with worry and something deep in Arthur thrilled for a moment before he stomped it back down.

 

"I’m fine, Merlin." He gritted out, "We'll be late for the feast." Arthur stood, straightened his shoulders and headed for the door to his chambers, completely unaware of the similarities to his battle stance and leaving a confused Merlin gaping at his back. The door swung shut behind him and Arthur took a deep breath, lungs screaming from disuse and he wasn't sure just how long it'd been since the air had rushed from his lungs but he knew it had nothing whatsoever to do with the small black curls at the nape of Merlin’s neck, absolutely nothing, whatsoever, at all. Arthur barely resisted the urge to slam his head into the wall.

 

 

\- 

 

 

Merlin was worried. Arthur had been acting strange all day, actually it’d been going on for weeks now, restless and short-tempered which okay wasn’t all that unusual but there was something different about it, an added layer of unease that Merlin had never seen on him before. He’d been snapping at Merlin, flinching when he brushed against him, avoiding looking at him and oh gods, what if he knew? Merlin’s mind raced with the possibilities.

 

He risked a glance at Arthur to find him looking right back, they’re eyes met and Merlin could see something heated and dark in his eyes before he broke the connection and Merlin was left staring at the back of his head. Panic-stricken questions chased themselves around the inside of Merlin’s skull, hammering away at his defences until he wanted to cry, wanted to scream, wanted to throw himself prostrate at Arthur’s feet and tell him everything. Well, not everything, even past the point of hysteria Merlin was sure that getting beheaded would probably hurt less than baring his heart and having Arthur turn him away in disgust. And how could he not be disgusted, Merlin turned into some babbling fool whenever he was close to him, stumbling whenever Arthur turned his imperious stare his way, short of breath when he was in the same room and he must crave humiliation because he just keeps on inventing reasons for it to continue, finding increasingly ridiculous excuses to stay close to Arthur.

 

Merlin forced himself to calm down, forced himself to breathe normally again, well as normally as he ever could around Arthur. He couldn’t know and if he did then Merlin still had his head and that had to count for something. So he probably didn’t know about the magic but that only left... oh, Merlin went cold and everything around him went dark as he struggled to breathe. Arthur knew how Merlin felt about him and was sickened by it. He had to, Merlin hadn’t exactly been all that subtle, hadn’t known how. Hiding his magic was easier, his magic was in his blood and his eyes but this, this was in his everything. Saturating his words, actions, movements, even his lungs until he was suffocating in it and now Arthur knew. He had to; Merlin couldn’t find any other reason for the growing distance between them.

 

Merlin’s hands trembled on the pitcher as Arthur beckoned him forward to refill his cup. Arthur’s shoulders tensed as Merlin got close enough to pour and the tremble turned to a shake, wine sloshed down the side of the cup but Arthur didn’t even throw the usual dismissive idiot his way, just kept his eyes forward and shoulders rigid.

 

And that was it, right there was Merlin’s breaking point. He shuffled back to the alcove he’d been waiting in, passed the pitcher to another servant while pleading illness and walked as calmly as he could to the door. His feet moved without any conscious direction until he found himself outside Arthur’s chambers, he sagged heavily against the wall choking on shallow breaths and let the tears fall.

 

-

 

Arthur watched as Merlin passed the wine onto another servant and left the hall, his movements stiff and hurried. His body sagged slightly, somewhat grateful for the reprieve until apprehension spread like an itch across his skin, Merlin, for all that Arthur complained about his manservant, never left before his duties were completed and had never just left without a word. He replayed Merlin's hurried exit in his mind, focusing on the way Merlin's face had gone ashen and his mouth tight, there had been something wrong, ofcourse there had been something wrong, how could Arthur not have noticed immediately? Maybe it was because that mouth had been smiling less and less for weeks now, his eyes going flat and tight more and more often and, with all the time he spent tracking Merlin's every movement, how in the name of the gods had he not noticed something was so wrong. For the second time that night Arthur resisted the urge to slam his head against a solid, flat surface.

 

"Arthur?" Uther's voice broke through his worried reverie, "I asked your thoughts on the protection of the Northern borders." Arthur shook his head in an attempt to clear it and took a deep breath

"I'm sorry father I'm not feeling my best, with due respect I think I'll retire for the night" Uther nodded and waved him off, attention already turning to the visiting dignitary seated to his left. Arthur rose and forced himself to walk calmly from the room, he had to find Merlin, had to find out what was wrong, somehow fix whatever had caused that beautiful, laughing mouth to twist downcast.

A thought struck Arthur like lightning, what if it was him? Did Merlin know just how affected Arthur was when he was around? Arthur had never been a great liar, had never needed to be, who was brave enough to argue with the crown prince? _Merlin_ a little voice in the back of his mind hissed at him, the first person to fight with you, to laugh with you, to be a friend and you had to twist it into this. Couldn't just learn how to breath when he was around, could you? Arthur berated himself. He had to find Merlin, had to apologise or beg or something, anything to get him to smile again, to get him to stay and how was it only just now that Arthur was realising that Merlin could leave? Merlin wasn't a citizen of Camelot, he had no family here, he had Gaius and Arthur knew Merlin looked to him as a father figure but how could that ever compare to the warm, giving woman who had fought to save her home.

Her home across the border.

Where Merlin could go.

Away from Arthur.

 

He had to find Merlin.

 

__

 

 

Merlin sighed and didn't raise his head when he heard footsteps approach but the tightness spreading through his chest and the prickling across his neck told him it was Arthur. He balled his hands into fists, nails digging himself as he steeled himself for the words he knew were coming, he waited, his breath stuck in his throat as the silence stretched between them.

 

Merlin felt the air shift around them as Arthur knelt down in front of him and glanced up in confusion. Arthur's chest tightened as he took in Merlin's tear streaked face and, moving without premeditation, he raised his hand to wipe them away. Cupping Merlin's cheek gently, stroking slightly, his fingers refusing to break contact now he was finally, finally able to run the pad of his thumb across the sharp cheekbones that had been haunting his dreams for longer than he was willing to admit even now. Merlin's breath stuttered as he stared at Arthur, eyes gone wide with fear and hope and question and Arthur met his gaze, staring at Merlin in wonder as something fierce and possessive chased away the blind terror. Merlin was here, he wasn't leaving, he wasn't pulling away from the hand still idly brushing Merlins skin, moved lower now to twist the tiny black curls at his nape around his fingers. Cautious hope warred with the fear of being turned away and Arthur's gaze faltered slightly, dropping to Merlin's lips, watching the lower lip tremble slightly before shifting to form a single word.

 

"Arthur?" Merlin whispered softly and Arthur met his eyes again, desperation, longing and the smallest hint of gold tinting the blue and he felt his pulse speed. Merlin's balled fist fell from his knee, brushing Arthur's thigh and they both flinched slightly but Merlin didn't move it away.

 

Arthur took a deep breath, brought his other hand up to frame Merlin's face and threw caution to the wind. 

 

.

**Author's Note:**

> Imported from my LJ.


End file.
